You Really Can Choose (Part 2)

“…and again I say, ‘Rejoice!’” (Apostle Paul, Letter to the Philippians 4:4)

 

I mentioned earlier how I have tried to teach my grandchildren about choosing to be happy. My oldest grandson, Andrew, became interested in Tae Kwon Do from about age six. I can see how the discipline of the sport has helped to build character, self-control and growth toward healthy self-confidence among other good things.

At age eight Andrew has earned his red belt and has been making progress toward completing the requirements for his black belt. We have enjoyed attending some of the testing ceremonies as he would advance to a new belt. It has been amazing to see this seven or eight year old kid as he completed the complex forms and movements and then would break through the reusable plastic boards that can be as tough as wood, but save the expense and environmental impact of wasting so many trees. (Not to mention the wonderful avoidance of having to dig splinters from the kids’ hands and feet!)

          Recently, we accompanied my oldest son, Andrew’s dad, and his family to New Orleans for his graduation from seminary where he was receiving his master’s degree. On the morning of the day before graduation, we decided to enjoy walking along the streets of the French Quarter. Andrew, however, was having a particularly difficult day and needed an attitude check. He was making life pretty miserable for everyone. Andrew and I walked together on the narrow sidewalk, ahead of the group as we neared the restaurant where we planned to have lunch. I place my hand on his shoulder and leaned down to say. “You’re having a pretty bad day already, aren’t you?”

“Yep.”

“Well, I just want you know that I’m going to find a way to break through that bad attitude. I’m going to break right through it, like you break through one of your Tae Kwon Do boards,” I boasted.

“Well,” he responded, “Don’t expect to get a new belt today.”

 

I immediately lost all control and laughed out loud. “That was an absolutely great comeback, Andrew!” I said. “I don’t think I could have thought of a better response to that and certainly not that fast. After all,” I continued, “it is not a matter of me fixing your bad attitude. It is a matter of YOU deciding how YOU will respond—even when the world is not operating 100% the way YOU think it ought to go.” 

 

In a few minutes we were seated in the restaurant, and he was doing better after getting some good food in his belly and cooling off in the air conditioned dining room. I pulled him aside and asked how he felt.

“Almost there,” was his reply as he smiled sheepishly.

I asked if I could share our conversation with the rest of the family.

“Not yet,” he said, but then later he said it would be ok if he were not present. So I do have permission to write this record. I did not exactly break through his bad attitude that morning, but at least I got a good story from it!

 

 

Hint to the Leader:

Happy workers are always more productive. You can’t fix other individuals’ bad attitude, but you can do something about your own. You can set the pace for others by showing up every day with a determination to kindle a fire of joy, regardless of the circumstances. Don’t fake it. Find things to laugh about… even if it is at your own expense.

 

Hint to the Follower:

Even when the world is not operating 100% in agreement with how you think it ought to be, you still have a choice. You can choose to have a good attitude in spite of it all.

 

Having trouble finding something to rejoice about? The Apostle Paul reported, “Five times I received… the forty lashes less one. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers; in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure… At Damascus, the governor under King Aretas was guarding the city of Damascus in order to seize me, but I was let down in a basket through a window in the wall and escaped his hands.”  (2 Corinthians 11:23-33)  In spite of all that, this same person wrote to his friends in Philippi from prison while in chains, “REJOICE! ...and again, I say, REJOICE!”  You really do have a choice!

 

For more hints, write me at LEAD360@gmail.com.

 

 © Copyright Dr. Larry Gay, July 2014

"Lessons on Leadership and Followership"

http://mylead360.blogspot.com/

 

You Really Can Choose

 

“This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24 (ESV)

“Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be.” (Abraham Lincoln)

     When my oldest grandson was not quite two years old I would say, “Andrew, we can chose to be…” and he would respond by throwing his hands up in the air and shouting, “HAPPY!”

     “That’s right,” I would continue. “We can choose to be happy. So what do you choose to be today?”  Again, he would shout, “HAPPY!” and we would laugh and laugh.

     My wife and others were convinced it was a purely Pavlovian response, but I never doubted that he knew exactly what he was saying. In fact, the first time he did it I promise I did not prompt him.

 

     One day when he was not quite two, I was riding in the backseat with him as he was at near tantrum level and needed a serious attitude check. His mother was driving the car and he was about to drive her to distraction. I leaned over next to him and, as was our custom, I said, “Now Andrew, we can choose to be…?” to which he immediately responded, “Not today, Papaw. Not today.”

     I could not just let it end there. So I pursued, “I guess that means you choose to be unhappy, right?”

     “Yep.”

     “Well, if you choose to be unhappy, that must be what you want to be. So if being unhappy is what makes you happy, then go right ahead and be unhappy! Does that make you happy? That’s fine with me as long as it makes you happy.” 

     It took about 15 seconds for him to ponder that idea before he began to break out in a reluctant grin that spread to full-blown laughter as we got silly with the idea of getting happy by choosing to be unhappy.

     I admit that I am not always pleased with the way others act. The world does not always operate in compete accordance with my idea of perfection—the world according to me. I cannot control all the circumstances and events that come into my life. I can, however, control my response to what happens around me or to me. It is more than a conditioned or controlled reaction. It is a conscious decision to be in control of my emotional and mental health. I refuse to let someone else have that power over me.  

     (By the way, his younger sister and brother both gave the same response by the time they were two as well.)

 Hint to the Leader: You really can set the mood for your family, team, department or the whole organization by choosing to show a positive attitude.

Hint to the Follower: You might not be able to control your initial reaction to a negative circumstance, but you can choose how you will respond. Even if you feel powerless in the organizational structure where you live and work, you have the power of influence. By choosing a positive attitude, you can start a chain reaction of joy that is contagious and will influence an unlimited number of people.  

 

© Copyright Dr. Larry Gay, July 2014

"Lessons on Leadership and Followership"
http://mylead360.blogspot.com/