Lessons on Sticking it Out

"Tell me what it takes to make you leave
and I'll tell you how committed you are."

(Doug Sager)

“Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

(Hebrews 12:1)

          Comedian Mrs. Hughes, says people ask her what's the secret to a long and happy marriage. "Well, I can tell you how to have a long one," she replies. "Children. Neither of us wanted custody."

          What about the happy part? Years ago I helped organize family life conferences where our main presenter would ask participants, "How many of you got married because you wanted to be unhappy?" Of course, no one raised their hands.

          Long marriages and long careers have a lot in common. So what makes the difference between a long and happy relationship or career and a short or dissatisfying one?

          Over the last 30 years I have interviewed at least 100 retiring personnel who have completed 30, 40 or 45 years of service with the same organization. I always ask two questions:
          1) How did you stay so long? and
          2) If you had it all to do over again, what would you do exactly the same?"
NOT what would you do differently. I wanted to learn what worked. What made for a long and successful career?


1. How did you stay so long?

          Every long-term retiring person I have interviewed has mentioned the words "commitment" and "calling." They all expressed a strong sense of calling to their profession and recalled having made a commitment to follow that calling. Commitment seems to be a dirty word to many people today. When someone says, "I will," they really mean, "...if a better offer doesn't come along." In the case of these people, however, a commitment was something to be honored and fulfilled. For these people the old expression "My word is my bond" is not just an expression. It is a matter of integrity.

         All of the people I interviewed talked about moments when they felt like throwing in the towel. Many of them mentioned having to deal with difficult people, difficult changes, difficult supervisors, difficult circumstances, crises, discouragement, or even threats of danger. In such moments when doubt set in, they returned to their original sense of call and commitment and, having "stuck it out" through the difficult times, found fulfillment in realizing a sense of purpose and accomplishment.

2. If you had it all to do over again, what would you do exactly the same?

          On this question I have heard a variety of answers, but everyone I have interviewed who went the distance mentioned something about the relationships they built with the people with whom they worked. Sometimes they talk about pouring their lives into the next generation. Sometimes it has to do with friends they made along the way. Often they mention life-long relationships that began because of a shared crisis, or lives that were changed because they had stayed. One thing they all agree on: if they had it to do all over again, they would build relationships with the same people in the same places.

          Methods and programs come and go, but the relationships we build are what make a lasting difference in the world.


How Committed Are You?

          Lieutenant Norman A. Stapp was scheduled to retire from the Irondale(Alabama) Police Department in May 2010 after more than 40 years of service in law enforcement. When asked the best advice he had ever heard and from whom, he responded: "An older police officer told me, 'Don't ever let one man cause you to quit your job.' I ran into that one man many times, but I remembered what that older officer told me." (quoted by Victoria L. Coman in The Birmingham News)

           Whenever major organizational changes have come or whenever I have met "that one man" (or woman) who seemed to make my life miserable at work, I try to remember this: I never joined an organization because of the way it was organized and I never joined because of one person. So, why would l quit just because the organizational structure is changing or because I disagree with one person in the organization? Am I really willing to let them have that much power over me?

Leadership Hints
     • What are you doing to build up the next generation of leaders?
     • What legacy will you leave behind in your relationships?

     • What kind of example are you setting in the way you honor your commitments?

Followership Hints

If you are thinking about quitting, put things in the balance: 

     • Do the changes outweigh your commitment
     • Does one difficult relationship outweigh all the good ones?

     • If you leave, are you running toward a new challenge or away from a current one?

(c) Dr. Larry N. Gay, May 2010

http://mylead360.blogspot.com/ "Lessons on Leadership and Followership"

The Stewardship Factor

 (Fifth in a series on Aligning for Productivity)

"It is required of stewards that one be found trustworthy."

(The Apostle Paul, First Epistle to the Corinthians 4:2)

"Leaders may start by pursuing their own vision, but they begin to see that their own personal vision is part of something larger."

 (Peter Senge, The Fifth Discipline, p.352)

During major organizational changes, we spend a lot of time and energy trying to "bring people along," help them to "get on board," or "buy into the vision." We might even talk about wanting everyone to "own" the vision. While such efforts might be well-intentioned, they might also be expending unnecessary energy toward an unreachable goal. In fact, no one really "owns" the organization's vision. We are not owners of the vision; we are merely stewards.

Stew·ard (noun)  [stoo´ ərd]

2. property manager – somebody who manages somebody else's property, finances, or household.

(Encarta Dictionary)

For the organizational vision to be realized, leaders must recognize their stewardship responsibilities. The most effective leaders are good stewards of both the vision and the people they lead. Leaders who exhibit an attitude of stewardship can make a significant difference in the general attitude or morale of the people they lead.

Consider the difference between two types of leaders. At least twice in my career I have worked with a supervisor/leader who personalized everything: "my team, my staff, my people, my project—my, my, my!" Each of these leaders was insecure and felt threatened by anyone who took any personal initiative beyond the bounds of their specific written job descriptions. When any subordinate received any word of praise from a constituent, they would take such a compliment to be a threat to them as if someone were going to take away their position of authority. Each of these supervisors eventually had some serious crises in their leadership because of their insecurities and inability to let go of things that really were not theirs to hold on to.

I also have had the privilege of working with some very excellent and effective leaders in my career. These men did not feel threatened when they heard someone compliment a subordinate. In fact, they expressed joy and appreciation for such comments. On one occasion, early in my career, my supervisor called me into his office and asked me to close the door. I could not imagine what I had done to deserve a reprimand and I could think of no other reason for him to call me in. "I just received a phone call about you," he said. "It was a constituent telling me what a good job they thought you were doing." He went on to say he considered a compliment to anyone on his team to be a compliment to the whole team. So he felt complimented too!  "And by the way," he ended, "keep up the good work!"

Now, which of these do you think inspired me to contribute more effectively to the organization for which I worked?

In my experience, effective leaders who are good stewards learn to talk more in the first person plural and less in the first personal singular. They use a lot more "we, our and ours" and lot less "I, my and mine."  Such a stewardship attitude builds loyalty and commitment. It inspires people to more effective followership. And effective followership is a requirement for effective leadership.

Effective stewards also avoid talking about "they, their or them" when communicating vision, direction, policies or principles. Even though stewards are not owners, they do have an obligation to represent the interests of the owner.  Stewards are regarded as trustworthy to act on behalf of the owner with all the authority of the owner. Regardless of whether the steward has actively participated in the formulation of policy, procedure or direction, they will communicate with confidence what we must do to reach our goals in pursuit of our vision. (I suppose that starts to sound like taking ownership, doesn't it?)

The organization can realize its vision only to the extent that individuals connect and contribute to the corporate vision with their personal visions. Rather than spending time and energy trying to make people feel ownership for the organization's vision, leaders should help the people they lead find greater affinity and alignment of their individual sense of calling and personal values with the belief system of the organization as defined by its vision, purpose and values. If we can see that our personal sense of purpose, calling and vision are being realized by contributing to the corporate vision and purpose, then we will begin to feel that the corporate vision is, indeed, our own.  The closer the alignment between individuals' personal sense of calling, purpose and vision with the belief system of the organization, the more they will believe in what the organization is striving for. The more they believe in it, the harder they will work to make it succeed. 

The truth of the matter is, your organization cannot reach its maximum potential without every member's participation.  Being honest with personnel to say, "we need your support to reach this vision," can go a long way toward gaining followership once the leaders have demonstrated their own personal trustworthiness as good stewards.

Leadership Hints

• It is appropriate to use the first person singular when you are taking responsibility for an action (e.g., "I made that decision.") Otherwise, and especially when giving credit, use the plural (e.g., "Our team did a great job!")
• Evaluate how you use inclusive language and how your form of communication conveys your underlying values.
• Help your followers evaluate how their personal vision and values are realized through meeting the organizational vision and values. This can be done as a part of regular performance evaluations.

Followership Hints

• Followers are stewards, too. While you might not feel you have influence over the entire organization, you have been given some measure of responsibility for a portion of the organization's success. Treat that portion as if it were your own, because it is!

© Dr. Larry N. Gay, April 2010

http://mylead360.blogspot.com/ "Lessons on Leadership and Followership"