WHAT FOR?

          On April 11, 2010 my great-niece, Abigail Hope Dahlen, died after being struck by a car in her neighbor’s driveway—just one week after her second birthday. As we walked through the week following the accident and prepared for her funeral, it became apparent that Abigail’s short life would have long-lasting and far-reaching meaning. Below are the words I shared at her funeral service, along with some powerful words spoken by Michael, Abigail’s father. I hope they can be a signpost to point many people to discover the most significant lesson on followership that we have ever learned as a family.




Larry Gay


 
 
Celebration Service for the Life of

Abigail Hope Dahlen
(April 9, 2008 – April 11, 2010)


Abigail
By Susan Gay


From the very start she stole our hearts.
And of our family became such a part.
She was our own, our angel child,
We had her for a just little while.

She was more full of life each day.
She loved to run and laugh and play.
She brought such joy, she made us smile,
We had her but a little while.

O Lord, we cannot understand.
But we know that she is in Your hands.
When sorrows roll we’ll cry to Thee,
“You have her for eternity.”

Our hope’s steadfast, our faith’s secure.
By grace with Jesus, we’ll endure.
Then in Heav’n someday together we’ll sing,
“We’re with Him for eternity.”

                              (April 12, 2010)


          “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our consciences, but shouts in our pain; it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” (C.S. Lewis):

          We have heard the shout of God’s megaphone this week.

          What a huge comfort is needed to get through this dark valley of pain and death. If anyone in the universe can give comfort, it must be the One who is before time, in time and after time. People like Brandy and Michael come the closest to knowing how the Maker of the Universe must have felt when He gave His only Son, who knew no sin, for us.

         I do not pretend to have answers for all the questions that arise at a time like this. I have, however, walked alongside a number of people who have survived some pretty horrific crises and disasters over the last several decades. I have learned from some people who got through the experience and grew from it while other people allowed the tragedy to turn them into bitter and defeated shells of existence.

A. WHAT DOES NOT WORK

          Here are some things I have observed that do NOT work at a time like this. None of these gives peace or comfort.

1. Seeking justice or fairness.

          Life is not fair. I don’t know why, it just isn’t. You will not find any satisfaction in seeking justice or fairness.

2. Rationalizing God’s will.

          Fatalism does not work for me either. “It was the will of God” or “It was her time to go” can make God look capricious and mean. I do not want to follow a capricious or mean God.



3. Dwelling on the past.

          Several years after the death of his nine-year old daughter, John Claypool wrote a little book Tracks of a Fellow Struggler. He described our tendency to long for the past. He quoted Myron Madden, who said: “The essence of despair is relegating God solely to the past.” That longing for things to be the way they were is also called nostalgia. Claypool concluded that nostalgia is “the fear that God cannot do as well in the future as He has done in the past.”

          For example, we all wish that Abigail were alive and here with us today. We think of her smile, her happy spirit and the joy she brought everyone and we think, there is no way we can ever be as happy as we were when Abigail was alive and with us. We simply cannot imagine that God could possibly bless us enough to fill the sadness we now feel.

          It is true that Abigail’s absence from us leaves a huge hole that can never be filled, but if we allow ourselves to get stuck in the past, dwelling on what used to be, we will find ourselves making an idol out of the memory of Abigail and we will never be able to have the same joy we had when she was with us.

          When they first saw Abigail’s lifeless body in the casket on Tuesday, her siblings all agreed that she looked like a lifeless doll, an imitation Abigail. That’s exactly what we have here now. Making an idol out of her memory can never fill the hole of her absence. It would only be like putting a doll in her place.

4. Trying to explain or understand WHY this has happened

         This also looks to the past—cause and effect. When this happens, that is the result. We can explain the cause and effect in a scientific manner and it still will not satisfy or comfort us. It also leads down the slippery, dangerous path of “If Onlys:” “If only I had done this differently,” or “If only we had gotten there a few seconds sooner or later,” or “If only I hadn’t...” The problem is, we cannot change the past, so dwelling on “Why” and “If Only” is of no real, lasting comfort.

          It’s natural to ask why along the way. But if we dwell on the why, we never get satisfying answers. Answers to “WHY?” begin with “Because...” and are never satisfying. The answers to “why?” only lead to more “why's.” It’s like talking to a three or four year old who loves to ask “Why?” We can explain with a careful and accurate “Because...”, but you know what’s going to come as soon as you give an answer—“Why?” Every answer only leads to more WHY questions until in desperation you blurt out, "JUST BECAUSE!" or "BECAUSE I SAID SO!" 

          That puts an end to the questions, but they don’t go away. In fact, it leads them to the conclusion that we do not have all the answers. That’s when they begin to become teenagers! Eventually they begin to think we don’t know anything.

B. HOPE FOR THE FUTURE GIVES A GLIMMER OF HOPE FOR THE PRESENT

          So here is where I do find at least the glimmer of hope for some comfort.

John 9:1-3 (The Message)

1 Walking down the street, Jesus saw a man blind from birth. 2 His disciples asked, "Rabbi, who sinned: this man or his parents, causing him to be born blind?"
3 Jesus said, "You're asking the wrong question. You're looking for someone to blame. There is no such cause-effect here. Look instead for what God can do.”

[John 9:3 (NIV) "…This happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.”]

          You might ask what does this particular illustration have to do with the death of a precious little toddler? Well, there was obviously some discussion about who was to blame for the fact that a man had been born blind, unable to earn a living, having to beg on the streets. Someone was to blame. Whose fault was it? What caused this to happen? How could it have been avoided? Why DID this happen? Don’t you think his parents had been asking “Why?” all his life? “What did we do wrong? Why were we given such a burden? You know people are probably looking at us and wondering.”

          Jesus gently told the disciples they were asking the wrong question when they wanted to know why this had happened. He did not give them a "because" answer. He gave them a "so that" answer.

          Instead of asking,"Why?" He said we should ask "What for?" "Why" looks to the past--cause and effect--which we cannot change. And what good does it do to place blame? It does not change the past or give any comfort in the present and it certainly does not give any hope for the future.

          "What for" looks to the future. Ok, God, HOW in the WORLD can you POSSIBLY get glory out of THIS? For me, the only hope is that somehow He will. And then, maybe He will let us see just a little of His glory on this side. Maybe we can find comfort in knowing that a life of only two years with us on this side is still an eternal life that, for reasons we may never understand, spent less time here and began eternity sooner than we are accustomed to expect.

          Each of us is living a borrowed life. We expect it to go on for 70, 80 or even 100 years. But in the eternal scheme of things, it is still just borrowed time and compared to eternity, we only live a few nanoseconds. The difference between 2 nanoseconds and 80 nanoseconds is still less than a second. Life is so brief and we never know when it will end. The important question is not about how LONG we live. The question of eternal importance will be, “HOW did we live?” What condition will we have left this life in when the creator comes calling for it? And most importantly, did we live it for the right reason?

          Abigail’s life was not cut short. During the brief time we had her on loan she was a tremendous blessing and brought joy to many people. Literally thousands of people are already being touched by her life. As of today, over 1,400 people have expressed their condolences on a Facebook page, “Pray for the Dahlen Family.” Those people are touching still others who need words of comfort and hope that God indeed has a purpose for each one of us. Already, Abigail’s short life has had a positive influence on more people than some of us might have had in all our fifty, seventy, or 90 years on earth. No, her life was not cut short. Her life had a purpose and the influence of her life continues to go on. That blind man’s life, whose name we do not know, continues to point people to answers that give hope almost two thousand years later because of the way God worked in that circumstance.

          As HUGE as this pain is, some of us here today can assure you that God is even BIGGER than the pain. We may not understand why He allows such pain, why He does not miraculously take it away, but we begin to see a tiny glimpse of how big He is and how HUGE His love for us is when we see that He is bigger than this pain. If anyone in the universe can give comfort in a situation like this, then He MUST be a big, all-loving God.

          Already we can see a tiny glimmer of how much bigger God is than this HUGE pain. I hope you don’t misunderstand. The pain is still there, and to some degree will always be there. But we will see healing taking place as we see Abigail’s life taking on a meaning that we never knew it would have. Her brief life has blessed us and through us will bless still others who may never know her or even know about her. Already we can see how God is getting Glory from Abigail’s life and the life of her family.

          Her life will not have been in vain. It will not have been wasted. The testimony of this precious gift from God, Abigail Hope, will bring eternal Hope to many people as they see what a difference there is between people who have Jesus Christ in their lives and people who do not.

          Jesus said: "I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid.” (John 14:27, NLT)

          He also said, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6, NIV)

          Jesus calls us to LIFE with Him: "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. 29 Walk with me and work with me— watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. 30 Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." (Matthew 11:28-30, The Message)

          Perhaps you recognize that passage from Matthew 11:28-30: “Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (RSV)


Hear these words from Michael, Abigail’s father.


Psalm 116 (NASB)

1 I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.

2 Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.

3 The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me;

I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

4 Then I called on the name of the LORD: "O LORD, save me!"

5 The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.

6 The LORD protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me.

7 Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you.

8 For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, 9 that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living.

10 I believed; therefore I said, "I am greatly afflicted."

11 And in my dismay I said, "All men are liars."

12 How can I repay the LORD for all his goodness to me?

13 I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the LORD.

14 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people.

15 Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.

16 O LORD, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant ;

you have freed me from my chains.

17 I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the LORD.

18 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people,

19 in the courts of the house of the LORD—in your midst, O Jerusalem.

Praise the LORD.



          Four days ago, right about now, I was fighting with Abigail about swinging. She loves to swing. But I wanted to watch Anna Faith practice softball. They were practicing in a place where the field was partially blocked by a fence, and I couldn’t see Anna Faith practice if pushed Abigail on the swing. So we fought.

          “Swing, Daddy.”

          “No, Abigail, I’m gonna watch Anna Faith, you play on the slides.”

          “No. Swing, Daddy!”

          “No, Abigail, slide.”

          “SWING, DADDY!”

          You can guess who won. Abigail is the kind of child a parent can at times want to give away. Free. She was opinionated, bossy, loud, obnoxious. The definition of difficult. Brandy called her “spunky, determinied.” I wanted to call her something else. There’s other names—a pain in the rear, for example.

          So we swing. And when she told me, “Done, Daddy,” we did something else. Because that’s how she worked. If I went to sit and watch, she would start screaming at me. This, by the way, is normal behavior for her.

          I wish I had just played with her and ignored practice. I wish I had just cherished every second there, and not worried about going to the library, or cutting the bushes. Worried about errands. I missed out.

          My little girl was not an angel at all most of the time. “Spunky” is a good word for Abigail. She was determined. She wanted something and there was nothing to stop her. Her parents were not going to stop her, her siblings were not going to stop her, nothing was going to stop her.

          Yet, I just want five more minutes with her—to hold her again, and love on her, and hold her hand. Brandy wants to pick her up and nurse her again.

          I don’t think that anyone here would swap places with me and I don’t blame you, because I didn’t sign up for this. Nobody wants to pick up their little girl and try to save her life. Nobody wants to stand there helpless and watch her die.

          This is a message of hope and of love. This is a message that all of you here came to hear. God loves you.

          I know my Abigail is sitting somewhere in Heaven. Probably swinging on a swing. And she’s telling someone to swing her. She’s sitting there kicking her feet saying, “Swing!” And she is having the time of her life, squealing and laughing, and wanting to go higher and higher. “Higher, Daddy!” she would say and momma would say “Lower, Daddy.” Guess who won again?

          I want all of you here to get to know her. I want all of you to see that fun side of her, because she was fun. She was a hard child, but she was fun. She was always having fun.

          So does Jesus. Jesus wants you to know her. But more importantly, he wants to know you. Although you thought you were coming here to help us, God wants to help you.

          So, there are a couple of things to take away from this: One, that God loves you. He wants you. See Him because He is seeking you. The other thing here is that I learned a hard lesson. I was too worried about life and missed out on living. (We like to watch a movie called “Ever After” about Cinderella. At the end it says, “And they lived happily ever after… but they lived.”)

          So don’t learn that lesson.

          Tell your son that he’s strong, powerful and that you love him.

          Tell your daughter that she’s beautiful, graceful, a princess and you love her,

          Tell your wife your life is not complete without her, that she’s beautiful and you love her.

          Tell your husband he’s the rock your family is built on and you love him.

          Play with your kids—spend time with them. Enjoy them. Don’t just worry about living life.

          Don’t think that you have time, Embrace your time. Because at 4 pm on Sunday, I thought I had more time. And at 5 pm, I didn’t.

\- - - - - - -

- - - - - - -

CROSSINGS
by Lee Weber


I came to the swift, raging river,
And the roar held the echo of fear.
"Oh, Lord, give me wings to fly over,
If You are as You promised, quite near."
But He said, "Trust the grace I am giving,
All pervasive, sufficient for you . . .
Take My hand - we will face this together,
But My plan is not OVER but THROUGH."

          Would you not agree, that He is trustworthy to carry us through EVERY day, one day at a time? If you do not know the One who makes such promises, search out any of us who do know and we will be glad to introduce you.



Jesus Loves Me This I Know

Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong;
They are weak, but He is strong.

Refrain

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.


Jesus loves me! This I know,
As He loved so long ago,
Taking children on His knee,
Saying, “Let them come to Me.”



Refrain

Jesus loves me! He will stay
Close beside me all the way;
Thou hast bled and died for me,
I will henceforth live for Thee.

Refrain



Psalms 61:1-3 (NIV)

1 Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.
2 From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
3 For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.


Psalm 23 (NIV)

A psalm of David.

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,
for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.


John 14:1-27 (TLB)

1 "Let not your heart be troubled. You are trusting God, now trust in me. 2,3 There are many homes up there where my Father lives, and I am going to prepare them for your coming. When everything is ready, then I will come and get you, so that you can always be with me where I am. If this weren't so, I would tell you plainly. 4 And you know where I am going and how to get there."
5 "No, we don't," Thomas said. "We haven't any idea where you are going, so how can we know the way?"
6 Jesus told him, "I am the Way--yes, and the Truth and the Life. No one can get to the Father except by means of me. 7 If you had known who I am, then you would have known who my Father is. From now on you know him--and have seen him!"
8 Philip said, "Sir, show us the Father and we will be satisfied."
9 Jesus replied, "Don't you even yet know who I am, Philip, even after all this time I have been with you? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father! So why are you asking to see him? 10 Don't you believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words I say are not my own but are from my Father who lives in me. And he does his work through me. 11 Just believe it--that I am in the Father and the Father is in me. Or else believe it because of the mighty miracles you have seen me do. 12,13 "In solemn truth I tell you, anyone believing in me shall do the same miracles I have done, and even greater ones, because I am going to be with the Father. You can ask him for anything, using my name, and I will do it, for this will bring praise to the Father because of what I, the Son, will do for you. 14 Yes, ask anything, using my name, and I will do it! 15,16 "If you love me, obey me; and I will ask the Father and he will give you another Comforter, and he will never leave you. 17 He is the Holy Spirit, the Spirit who leads into all truth. The world at large cannot receive him, for it isn't looking for him and doesn't recognize him. But you do, for he lives with you now and some day shall be in you. 18 No, I will not abandon you or leave you as orphans in the storm--I will come to you. 19 In just a little while I will be gone from the world, but I will still be present with you. For I will live again--and you will too. 20 When I come back to life again, you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. 21 The one who obeys me is the one who loves me; and because he loves me, my Father will love him; and I will too, and I will reveal myself to him."
22 Judas (not Judas Iscariot, but his other disciple with that name) said to him, "Sir, why are you going to reveal yourself only to us disciples and not to the world at large?"
23 Jesus replied, "Because I will only reveal myself to those who love me and obey me. The Father will love them too, and we will come to them and live with them. 24 Anyone who doesn't obey me doesn't love me. And remember, I am not making up this answer to your question! It is the answer given by the Father who sent me.
25 "I am telling you these things now while I am still with you. 26 But when the Father sends the Comforter instead of me --and by the Comforter I mean the Holy Spirit--he will teach you much, as well as remind you of everything I myself have told you.
27 "I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid.


Romans 8:15-39 (NIV)

16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19 The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. 20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
31 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died--more than that, who was raised to life--is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

(April 15, 2010)

6 comments:

  1. God Bless you and your family. YOu guys are in our thoughts and prayers. I have a soon to be 5 yr old little girl with special needs that she is God's little angel. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Abigail is God's true angel and is swinging high and loving her dad in heaven. The Wilson Family - we are connected through Eric and Heather Jackson

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for being such a light in this darkness....for showing others the beauty in such a tragedy. Prayers of broken hearts being mended and comfort being given from our heavenly father, God!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you so much for a beautiful message.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Your message was incredibly profound. I was especially in awe of the quote by Madden. It is so very true. Thank you for your words of hope, not only to the Dahlen family, but to many others who have or are now experiencing their own pain.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Beautiful and truly thought provoking.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This was such an inspiring message. How you reached out to others encouraging them to hear God, while enduring such pain, speaks volumes about you and your family. My husband and I have been praying for you all since we heard about Abigail, and we will continue to do so. I was smiling when I read about Abigail -- her spunky little self -- always having fun -- so determined to have her way. I have an "Abigail" in my life -- I'll never look at her the same again when she is testing my patience (which is several times daily). God bless you all. Love from my family to yours, Debbie

    ReplyDelete