June 20, 2010

The Art of Confronting for Change


“…Warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.”     (1 Thessalonians 5:12-15)

          After a year on the job, Jarod and his boss did not see eye to eye on everything. In fact, they probably saw most things differently. Even so, Jarod made a conscious effort not to speak negatively in public or with other workers when referring to his work situation. He was surprised that he had never had a performance evaluation, especially since he knew the company policy clearly stipulated that reviews should take place at six and twelve months after a new employee began work. Although he wasn’t completely happy in his new job, as far as Jarod could tell, he was adequately fulfilling his responsibilities.

          That’s why it caught him completely by surprise on Friday morning when Alex stepped into his office and announced, “You know, this really is not working out well, so today is your last day here. Clean out your desk and turn in all your pending files by this afternoon.”

           Unfortunately, Jarod’s story is not very unusual among many businesses. Some organizations act as if they believe leadership is a natural, innate ability that is automatically endued to anyone named to any management position. One of the first items to be cut during difficult financial times is training for leaders. Small businesses and non-profit organizations are often notorious for providing less than adequate training and skills upgrade for leaders. Cutting leadership training from the budget might appear to provide short-term budget savings, but the longer term results will be very costly.

1. Reduced productivity.

          How much productivity is lost by people talking about the problems caused by a weak or a dominating leader? People will always spend time talking around the actual or virtual “water cooler” (social networking sites). Poor leadership is likely to ensure that the conversation is negative and counterproductive. Much time and energy can be lost agonizing over the poor decisions and poor interpersonal skills of leaders.

2. Decline in Morale
          Who wants to work in a place where you don’t know what’s expected and you never know when the axe might fall? Poor morale grows like mold in the darkness and is not easily turned around.

3. Erasure of loyalty
          Loyalty has become a thing of the past. Employees do not demonstrate loyalty to the company because they do not feel loyalty from the company to its employees. Managers seem to forget that the organization cannot reach its objectives without the productive participation of its personnel. Loyalty is built on trust and trust is built on trustworthiness. Employees who do not trust their leader/supervisors will tend to adhere strictly to the rules, regulations and policies out of fear. One union worker once told me that the way to shut a company down is for the workers to apply the letter of the law and follow every policy to the letter.

4. Increased personnel costs
          Often leaders draw the bottom line too soon when “counting the cost.” Consider the high cost of not confronting or dealing with the problem. Consider the cost of severance packages, searching for and hiring new personnel to fill vacancies and the cost of collateral losses when other people quit or become less productive because they can’t seem to get along with the individual who is causing problems.

Remember the Reason

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”  (Hebrews 12:11)

           Confrontational meetings are always best done through personal and direct forms of communication, and followed up in writing. At every point along the way, remember that as a leader, you already have authority and a certain power that can easily be misused. You do not have to be mean as you exercise leadership to help someone become a more effective worker within the bounds of the organization’s vision, mission, objectives, and policies. You do not have to be “bossy” or use command language to get the person to change this specific behavior. It is important that the person confronted sense that their leader wants them to succeed and believes they can. The goal is to communicate clearly that this person is of value and can be a productive and effective team member by changing this specific behavior. If the other person can see your face and hear your voice of compassion as you communicate the difficult words, there is a better chance of achieving the goal of change.


So, What Can You Do?

          Years ago, Tom Peters suggested in Thriving on Chaos that policies should express positive expectations. Try to make policies that enable, empower and motivate people to respond with service. Limit negative policies to the absolute minimum. Avoid writing policies based on one or two negative experiences.

          Most organizations or companies have written policies and procedures for how to carry out administrative actions with personnel who are not performing to management’s expectations. The mere publication of a policy and procedure, however, does not guarantee that managers know how to effectively administer personnel issues to the best benefit of the organization. Training is needed to help leaders learn how to administer policies in such a way that the productivity of their personnel actually improves.

          Whether or not Jarod was performing his duties satisfactorily to Alex’s expectations, there are a few simple steps that Alex could have followed that could have resulted in a much happier ending to Jarod’s story for all concerned. The steps are simple, but they do require some effort.

Hints to the Leader:

1. Clarify expectations.
           If a worker is not meeting your expectations, confront early and make your expectations clear. Let them know what a good job should look like.

2. Offer assistance for improvement.
          If the individual is not performing to the level of your expectations, assume the first responsibility and make sure they receive adequate instruction and training. Assign a mentor or coach. Make sure they have an accountability partner for progress. Ask questions and LISTEN CAREFULLY to be sure you understand what the problem is.

3. Give a warning—then offer more assistance
          Many leaders want to skip this step and just go straight to the corrective administrative action—also known as “You’re fired!” Unless the failure is clearly a terminal offense, give a clear warning that this behavior is unacceptable and must be changed or there will be consequences. Ask if there is anything keeping the individual from being able to meet the expectation. Offer to provide additional help. KEEP LISTENING.

4. Outline consequences of failure to meet expectations.
          All too often leaders wait until the problem becomes so unbearable that they suddenly turn into the Incredible Hulk and go ballistic without warning. They hold their complaints until they scream out like Popeye in the cartoons, “That’s all I can stands, I can’t stands no more!” You might think you are demonstrating patience by holding your comments, but you are really doing the person a disservice by not letting them know clearly what the consequences will be if your expectations are not met.

5. Get help for yourself, too.
          Everyone needs a mentor, coach, advisor, counselor, accountability partner or friend who can offer a listening ear, ask questions, give an opinion or offer suggestions. Ask if you are being reasonable or if there might be an alternative that could possibly get better results. Consult up line with your own leader to be sure you are standing on solid ground and will have the support of your leader if corrective action is required. Your supervisor should always be given a “heads up” that a problem could be brewing.

6. Set a specific date for review.
          Be sure the individual knows not only what is expected, but also when it is expected and when they will give you an accounting of progress.

7. Reward baby steps.
          The reward can be very simple and very small. As in horse training, often the most effective reward is a very small positive stimulus to a very small movement in the right direction. The reward can be as simple as releasing the tension on the reins when the horse first makes even a slight nudge of the head in the right direction. In the beginning, reward or praise even the intent to correct the unacceptable behavior. Be careful, however, not to over-praise small steps of progress.

8. Redirect a thought.
          Cowboys know that a cornered steer will cut its eyes in the direction of a perceived escape. An experienced rider will move to block that thought and make the escape route seem uninviting by waving a hand with a hat or a lasso or pulling the horse in the path of visibility to make the space seem smaller and less secure. As soon as you see an unacceptable behavior, find a way to redirect the person’s thinking to something positive and acceptable.

9. Follow up.
          Even if the unacceptable behavior or performance is corrected, follow up to let them know you remember and truly expect a change to take place. Ask about progress along the way. Be sure they know you want them to succeed. (You do want them to succeed, don’t you?) Follow up a face-to-face meeting with an email confirming in writing what you talked about. Remind them of what you agreed upon and what your specific expectations.

10. Follow through.
           Never give a warning unless you are fully prepared to follow through with action. Don’t be like the father who warned his son who was misbehaving: “I’m only going to warn you about this seventeen more times and then I’m really going to do something! (maybe).” Threats do not produce better results or more productive behavior. Be a person of integrity whose actions align with your words. Don’t threaten to do anything. Instead, let it be known what the consequences will be and then act exactly as you say you will.

11. Document, Document, Document
          Be sure to keep accurate records.


Hints to the Follower:
          What if my boss is not following these steps? How do I deal with an inconsiderate or incompetent boss?

1. Go the extra mile.
          Show that you really are trying to do the best job possible with what you have been given.

2. Make suggestions instead of demands.
          Let your boss know you really do want to help make things better, not just for yourself, but also for the benefit of the company.

3. Be careful not to develop an attitude of disdain or arrogance
          Be respectful, even if you think your boss is not doing a good job, he or she is still the boss and deserves respect.

4. Model the behavior you want your boss to demonstrate toward you.
          Be courteous. If you want more communication, communicate more. If you want more openness, be more open.

5. Recognize that not all personalities are created the same.
          Some people are more people oriented, some are more task oriented. Some prefer more direct communication, while others prefer more indirect ways of communicating. Try to adapt to your boss’ way of doing things while also asking him or her to recognize your personality differences.

6. Ask for training. Ask for help.
          Recognize your need for development. You might need to find your own mentor, coach and accountability partner. Don’t just use them to vent your frustrations. Ask them to help you set goals for real improvement and growth.

7. Ultimately, you are responsible for seeing that your needs are met.
          Don’t expect someone else to be responsible for your personal development and growth. Take responsibility for your own career.


(Click here to download a free copy of a more detailed document Confronting for Change: It’s the Loving Thing to Do, outlining step by step how to administer positive corrective action.)

© Copyright Dr. Larry N. Gay, June 20, 2010

June 1, 2010

Lesson No. 2 on Sticking it Out - Finishing Well

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race.”
(Apostle Paul, Second Epistle to Timothy 4:7)

    
          As I mentioned earlier, long-lasting marriages and long-lasting careers seem to have a lot in common. I was privileged to have two sets of grandparents who had long marriages. I started to say long and happy marriages. I would not pretend to suggest that they were always happy, but I think I could safely say that on the average both couples were happily married. Both lived through the Great Depression of the 1930’s and saw some pretty difficult times. I often wondered how they managed to stick it out and stay together for so long—the Coffeys for over 60 years and the Coxes for over 70 years! Some of the gems of wisdom they shared with me have also influenced my views on leadership and followership.


1. Adapt and grow because change is inevitable.

          I was fifteen years old when Grandmother and Granddaddy Coffey celebrated their fiftieth anniversary. As we stood near the table with the anniversary cake all decorated, I reflected with Granddaddy on some of the changes fifty years had brought: radio, television, jet aviation and space travel to name a few. They had been through some tough times, literally losing the farm once and yet they had stuck it out together for all those years. They had married when she was 15 and he was 21. By the few pictures I had seen of their youth, she was a thin and pretty blonde weighing in at perhaps 110 pounds—quite a catch!

          By now, Grandmother Coffey was (how do I say this delicately?)… let’s just say there was a lot more of her to love than there had been at age 15. So I asked Granddaddy Coffey how a man could stay married to the same woman for fifty years. He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close then gave me the same answer I read somewhere in a Reader’s Digest magazine:  “Son, after fifty years she ain’t the same woman!”  In fact, he had said on at least one occasion, “I ain’t legally married to two-thirds of that woman!”  They had stuck it out through thick and thin, literally!

          Ten years later, at their 60th wedding anniversary, my wife and I stood across the table as they were about to cut the cake again. By this time Granddaddy Coffey had lost both legs to diabetes and had to be pushed in a wheelchair. He had two different bags hanging on the side to collect fluids from his body. It had been so long since he had hair on his head that he couldn’t remember when he had actually gone to the barbershop for something other than to visit with friends. And he had glasses so thick he could barely hold his head up.  Grandmother Coffey pushed his wheelchair close to the table, took his feeble hand and held the knife to cut the cake together. She paused for a moment then laid the knife on the table. Looking across at me she said, “Young man, I recall that ten years ago to this day you asked your grandfather how a man could stay married to the same woman for fifty years and something was said about  her not being the same woman after that long. Well, for ten years I have held my peace, but today I want to tell you—after sixty years he ain’t the same man either!”  

          There is something to be said for sticking it out through all the changes. During one of his lucid moments, I asked Granddaddy Coffey if he didn’t agree that the first year of marriage is the toughest, with all the adjustments you have to go through learning to live with each other, putting up with each other’s personal habits and adjusting some of your own personal preferences.  “Hmph!” he snorted, “The next fifty ain’t nothing easy either!” If it were easy, it wouldn’t be worth nearly as much as it is with the extra effort staying together requires.  I have to work at getting to know the person my wife is becoming over time as she also learns to live with the new me that I am becoming every day.

2. Commitment—let your yes be yes and your no be no.

         Granddaddy Cox loved to read the newspaper. One afternoon he read about a man who had killed his wife 25 years earlier and had just been released from prison, his sentence having been reduced for good behavior. “I could be a free man today!” he teased. “I wonder if I could get out early for good behavior too.” Although he joked about “freedom” and being released from the bondage of marriage, after Grandmother Cox suffered her first stroke in 1980, he pushed her wheelchair, lifted her in and out of bed and helped her bathe for at least 19 years before she finally had to go to the nursing home.  He would tease her that he had been pushing her around for so long, wasn’t it time for her to get up and push him for a change?

          So after they had been married almost 70 years I asked him what’s the secret to such a long and faithful marriage? He thought for a few seconds. “Well,” he said, “when I said ‘I do’ I meant it.”  Being a man of his word was important to Granddaddy Cox. Granddaddy Coffey would have agreed. The word “commitment” was not a dirty word to them. When they promised to love till death parted them, that’s exactly what they meant to do. When they said “in sickness or in health,” they fully intended to stick it out through the good times or the bad times.

          My wife and I looked at my grandparents as examples of how we wanted our marriage to be. We also joke about the commitment we made in our own wedding vows: “…till death separates us.” Sometimes she asks me if I want to be separated right now! 

          We signed a long-term contract that we fully intend to complete. We have had to learn to adjust to many changes and we are not the same persons we were when we started out on this journey together over 36 years ago. Instead of looking for a better deal to come along and chasing after some illusive dream, we have learned to appreciate the gift we have and determine to keep on loving each other in spite of anything that might work against us.

          Your attitude toward commitment reveals a lot about your integrity, trustworthiness, team-building abilities and effectiveness. Some people think their personal lives and professional lives are two totally different things. I disagree. I would be much more interested in an individual’s character than their resume. Character is who you are when no one is watching, in marriage and at work.

3. Learn to listen more and talk less.

          Once, when I was in elementary school, I brought home a report card with all A’s and B’s. My mother suggested I show it to Granddaddy Cox for him to praise me. The very first grade at the top of the report was “Conduct” which was a “B.” I don’t think he even saw the other grades. “It seems to me that one thing anyone could learn to do is be quiet when they are supposed to be and behave themselves in class,” he commented. Even if I couldn’t make A’s in anything else, I could surely make an A in Conduct. 

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
(James 1:19)

          That lesson applies to marriage and leadership—learning to listen more and talk less, seeking to understand before seeking to be understood. All too often words are thrown around with careless abandon when it would have been prudent and wise to wait and hear the other person out before making a judgment. Both of my grandmothers certainly seemed to practice that. Grandmother Coffey waited ten years to respond to that comment about not being the same woman. (OK, maybe she waited ten years to get even! I don’t know.)  I never once heard Grandmother Cox make a sarcastic comment and she never spoke a word of retort in haste. She held to that old saying, “If you can’t say something good about someone, don’t say anything at all.” Come to think of it, I noticed there were some people she simply did not talk about at all.

          What do you suppose life would be like in the workplace if we all took that advice?


Leadership Hints
  • Leaders need to keep growing and adapting. What are you doing to grow yourself and the people you lead?
  • Do people see you as a person of integrity, whose “yes” means yes and “no” means no? What do you need to do to improve in this area?
  • How are you doing in the area of listening to those you lead?  Are you quicker to speak or to listen? 
Followership Hints
  • What initiatives can you take to keep growing and improving?
  • To what or to whom are you committed? 
  • Leaders are people too. Do you need to change the way you talk about yours? 
© Dr. Larry N. Gay, May 2010
http://mylead360.blogspot.com “Lessons on Leadership and Followership”