When Enough is Enough

(Fourth in a series on Aligning for Productivity)

"Failure to deal with the problems people and organizations face can be the most unloving action of all."

(Leith Anderson, Dying for Change)

"Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him. You may be sure that such a man is… self‑condemned."

(Titus 3:10-11)

For many supervisors the most difficult part of leadership is confronting someone whose behavior or performance is unacceptable. Remember, the purpose of corrective action is not to punish the individual for poor behavior or poor performance. Instead, your goal as a leader should be to help the person find the best place where their personal sense of calling, vision and life goals are aligned with and contributing to the organization's vision and mission. It is your responsibility as a leader to help people understand the vision and adjust their behaviors to align with it to the degree that they can. .

A noncompliant person should be made aware of the consequences of continued failure to meet expectations. Even if the individual becomes grudgingly compliant, there comes a point where such passive-aggressive behavior becomes destructive and unacceptable. I have found the two-warning rule to be very helpful in such cases. It's one thing for a person to use their influence to effect change that can help the organization fulfill its mission. It's something else entirely, however, when the complaints become destruction and contrary to the direction established by the organization's leadership.

Outplacement is often seen as a heartless action. The real heartless action, however, is when an unacceptable behavior is allowed to go unchecked until things have gotten unbearable for others working close to the offending individual. It's like a father I overheard "correcting" his young child who was misbehaving: "I'm only going to warn you about this 17 more times and then I'm really going to do something about it!" Of course, the child went on being obnoxious and unruly, disturbing everyone else within sight or sound.

Supervisors should recognize that failure to take administrative action hurts both the offending individual and the whole organization. Sometimes, the most loving action a leader can take is to help dissatisfied individuals to discover another place where their personal sense of calling can align with and contribute positively to the vision of that organization.

Grudgingly compliant people can be like a cancer growing in the organization. The longer you delay taking definitive action, the more you allow the cancer to grow. Long-growing cancers require more extensive surgery and more serious post-operative treatment. In the same way, if corrective actions have not helped the individual to make the necessary attitudinal change in a reasonable (and clearly stated) time frame, then the longer you postpone taking action, the more difficult it will be.

The most loving action for all concerned might be to help the individual find another place of service where he or she can find satisfaction and fulfillment. If that is within your organization, that's great... as long as you are not just transferring your problems to another department! If it is in another place, that's great too. Either way, you have the opportunity to help someone reach their maximum potentiality and productivity while also maximizing your organization's resources to realize its vision.

Leadership Hints

• Don't make the mistake of ignoring the problem and hoping it will go away on its own.
• Also, don't make the mistake of jumping to the conclusion that just firing someone will make everything all better.
• Talk with people about the source of their dissatisfaction. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Make every effort to help them grow to an acceptable level of compliance.
• Describe for yourself what the change in behavior will look like, when the change must be made, and how you will know steps are being taken toward the change. Then communicate these very clearly and positively to the individual.
• Don't make threats, but do keep your word--follow through on corrective actions.

Followership Hints

• You really do have a choice.
• Take responsibility for your own attitude and actions.
• Recognize that negative attitudes and actions usually do not produce positive reactions.
• If you have tried to offer positive suggestions of ways to make things better and they have been rejected or ignored, remember—you still have choices.

© Dr. Larry N. Gay, April 2010

http://mylead360.blogspot.com "Lessons on Leadership and Followership"

The Hardest (and Most Important) Lesson on Followership

Dear Reader, Last week about the time I usually would be putting the finishing touches on a weekly blog post, I received one of those phone calls you dread and never want to receive. Rather than dwelling on it here, I'll direct you to the blog page entitled "What For?" (See the page link at the top of the home page of this blog also.) I do not know if the insights on that page will be of any help to you on the subject of Leadership and Followership, but I think it does have relevance. I'll try to return to the series on alignment next week. Larry

Stress and Job Dissatisfaction

(Third in a series on Aligning for Productivity)

One ship sails East, And another West, By the self-same winds that blow, 'Tis the set of the sails And not the gales, That tells the way we go.

(Ella Wheeler Wilcox)

Alex and Kim both work for the same organization, in the same job, with the same title, the same boss, and they receive exactly the same pay. Alex loves this job and has very few complaints about the way things are going. Kim, on the other hand, is growing increasingly dissatisfied with the direction the organization is taking and seems to complain about everything. Kim is so stressed by it all that burnout is just around the corner.

After talking with Alex and Kim you might ask, “Are these two really working at the same job in the same place with the same boss?” How can one person love what the organization is doing and be thrilled with the job, while the other person is convinced the whole organization is going down the drain? What makes the difference?

You Always Have Choices

When we are faced with the stress of organizational change, we basically have three choices: 1) stay and be satisfied, 2) stay and be a problem or 3) leave. The option we choose is largely determined by our sense of satisfaction and fulfillment in the job. Like adding weights in a balance, the decision to stay is based on the weight of positive influences contributing to job satisfaction as opposed to the negative stressors that cause dissatisfaction.

Factors Contributing to Job Satisfaction	Stressors Contributing to Dissatisfaction
( + ) Alignment between personal and organizational vision, purpose, values ( + ) Sense of fulfillment of calling ( + ) Good Relationships ( + ) Appreciation ( + ) Benefits ( + ) “Zapps!” (Encouraging words that build up) [1] ( + ) Helpful Policies ( + ) Empowerment	( - ) Misalignment between personal and organizational vision, purpose, values ( - ) Working outside one’s giftedness or strengths ( - ) Strained relationships ( - ) Rules and regulations that restrict ( - ) Busy work ( - ) Devaluation ( - ) “Saps!” (Discouraging words, criticism that tears down) [2] ( - ) Micro-management
Outcome = Stay and be satisfied	Outcome = Stay and be dissatisfied, unproductive, become a problem, or leave

When the balance tilts to the dissatisfaction side, stress mounts up and can cloud or color the decision-making processes. The longer a person stays in a state of dissatisfaction, the more stress will grow and the more difficult it will be for them to reset their sails—either to realign themselves with the new direction of the organization, or to find a place in another organization that is going their way.

We would like to believe that everyone in the organization is genuinely seeking to be true to their personal vision or sense of calling. For some people, that factor will carry so much weight that it counterbalances all the negative stressors. Other people, however, will come to the point that the only positive factor contributing to their job satisfaction is the personal benefits they receive (including, but not limited to monetary benefits).

‘Tis the Set of the Sails

Grudgingly compliant, noncompliant and apathetic members will exhibit greater levels of stress and job dissatisfaction than will their colleagues who are formally compliant, genuinely compliant, enrolled or committed to the vision. Because their sails are set for a different direction, these individuals will feel their sense of purpose or personal calling is being limited by the organization’s belief system (vision, purpose and values). They will be in a perpetual state of distress that will manifest itself in behaviors that work against the organization’s objectives. In the end, they will be unlikely to reach their personal goals as well.

Leadership Hints:

• What is your assessment of the general morale among the people you lead?
• Look back over the list of factors contributing to job dissatisfaction. If a number of people seem dissatisfied, what common factors can you identify that contribute to the dissatisfaction and stress?
• As you look at the list of factors, what positive actions come to mind that you could take to help people better align with your organization’s vision, purpose and values?
• Are you willing to take action?

Followership Hints:

• How is your sail set?
• As you look back over the list of factors contributing to job satisfaction or dissatisfaction, which way is your balance tilting?
• What steps can you take to improve your own job satisfaction?
• Is there anything you can do to help a co-worker feel more satisfied and fulfilled in their job?
• So, what do you intend to do?

© Dr. Larry N. Gay, April 2010

http://mylead360.blogspot.com/ “Lessons on Leadership and Followership”

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[1] [2] William C. Byham, Zapp! The Lightning of Empowerment: How to Improve Productivity, Quality, and Employee Satisfaction (Ballantine Books, 1997). In easy-to-read fable form, this book centers on the concepts of “zapping” people with empowerment or “sapping” them with negative comments. Bynam details what managers and organizations must do to create and maintain an empowered work force that will, in turn, be dedicated to constantly improving the organization.

Attitude: The Life or Death of a Vision

(Second in a series on Aligning for Productivity)

“So we rebuilt the wall…for the people worked with all their heart.”

(Nehemiah 4:6)

          The organizational vision can only be realized by the individuals working within the organization. Regardless of all the organizational changes that might be made, if you want happy, productive workers, you must help them to see what they will gain from helping the company to reach its objectives.

          A plethora of books, essays and articles have addressed the need for any organization to have clearly stated vision, purpose and values. Of all these, Peter Senge’s book The Fifth Discipline (Doubleday, 1990) is still a seminal work for understanding systems thinking and how the pillars of vision, purpose and values work together within an organization. Senge describes five general responses or attitudes toward the organization’s vision: commitment, enrollment, compliance, noncompliance, or apathy. Compliance, however, can take one of three distinct forms, making a total of seven attitudes that individuals within the organization can demonstrate.

          While Senge accurately described the seven attitudes, he did not expand on why people react in these specific ways. This can best be understood by two areas of personal need we seek to satisfy in our employment: 1) personal benefit which includes salary, insurance, pension plans, position, recognition, or other non-tangible benefits; and 2) a personal sense of fulfillment of a life purpose, vision, or calling. The degree to which both areas are aligned with, supported by, and fulfilled by working within the company’s vision, purpose and values will affect each individual’s attitude and the degree to which each member contributes effectively toward the company’s goals or objectives. On the negative side, the degree to which an individual’s need for personal benefit and/or personal sense of fulfillment are not met will also determine the degree to which the individual will become unproductive or even counterproductive to the organization’s goals and objectives. Personal benefit and a personal sense of fulfillment will, in large part, determine the individual’s attitude toward the company in general and his or her work specifically.

          The following paragraphs and illustrations describe the seven attitudes identified by Senge and how these are affected by the individual’s need for personal benefit and personal sense of fulfillment. In a future article, we will examine more in depth how different personalities place different values on these two needs.

1. Committed

          The first group is made up of the few people who are truly committed to the vision. These few want it and are consumed with a desire to see it become reality. They will do whatever they possibly can to make it happen. Only a few people are truly committed to the organizational vision. These might include the founder or originator of the vision and a few people who join in because they recognize in it something that they have already been longing to see before.

2. Enrolled
          Another few people will be enrolled. They also want it and will work to make it happen, but they might not feel the same level of ownership as those who are committed. Enrolled individuals find their personal vision can easily fit within the organization’s vision with very little or no adaptation. These might be the “early adopters” of a new paradigm. They do not “live, eat, sleep and breathe” the vision as the committed do. They do, however, truly desire to see the vision realized and will give above and beyond the call of duty to make it happen.


          While it would be wonderful to have everyone in the organization fully committed or enrolled and in perfect alignment with the vision, that is very unlikely to happen, except, perhaps, in a very small company where everyone is a full partner. The large majority of people in any organization most likely have an attitude of compliance, which is defined by three distinct categories.

3. Genuinely Compliant

          Genuine compliance might look like enrollment or commitment in that the genuinely compliant person sees the benefits of the vision and does everything expected and more. All or almost all of the genuinely compliant’s personal vision can be realized in the context of the organization’s vision without having to make major adjustments. These “good soldiers” follow the letter of the law and are often tapped for leadership based on their above average performance. The genuinely compliant person often can quote the vision to the letter and might even support the vision energetically. This, however, is not because they have tremendous personal desires to see the vision fulfilled as the committed or enrolled do. Genuinely compliant people accept the vision, though they do not truly own it.

4. Formally Compliant

          Another group demonstrates formal compliance. These are what Senge calls “pretty good soldiers.” They do what is expected and no more. They might support the vision to some degree, but they are primarily “going along” and not making waves. On the whole, they see the benefits of the vision, but they do not take initiative to push the vision into reality. They can adapt to realize their personal vision, some of which may have to be achieved outside the organization, or at a later time.




5. Grudgingly Compliant

          Some people will display a grudging compliance. The grudgingly compliant person’s personal vision overlaps very little, if at all, with the organizational vision. In fact, this person probably sees the organization’s vision as opposed to his or her personal vision. They will do what is expected because they feel obligated, but they do not see the value of the direction in which the organization is moving and are still opposed to changes that have already taken place. Perhaps only to “keep their jobs” or because they see some other benefit outside the real vision, they do whatever is required of them, but nothing more. At best, such compliance is really more accurately described as passive-aggressive behavior. They stay on and do enough to get by while letting it be known that they really are not on board. While they may not lead an open rebellion, they are, in effect, hoping that the vision will not become reality.

          Grudgingly compliant people can be the most destructive force in the organization. Such people only remain with the organization because of the tangible benefits they receive (medical, retirement benefits, inability to find other employment, etc.). Grudgingly compliant people will tend to blame the organizational changes for their lack of productivity and inability to fulfill their own personal vision. (See more on this below.)

6. Noncompliant

          Apart from the committed, the enrolled and the compliant people, there are also two other groups that must be dealt with concerning the organization’s vision. A certain number of people will be noncompliant. Their attitude toward the vision is negative to the point of “I won’t do it and you can’t make me.” Since they see no benefit in the vision, they may actively seek to undermine it or change it to a completely different direction.
          Even after they leave the organization, the noncompliant people often have a lasting influence on some of those who are grudgingly compliant, many of whom might remain with the organization for quite long tenures as they continue to express their passive-resistance to the forward motion toward the vision.

7. Apathetic

          People in the last group demonstrate apathy for the vision. They are neither for it nor against it. They are simply along for the ride and waiting for the end of their shift or term. Like the noncompliant people, apathetic people are outside the circle of the organizational vision. While they are not actively pulling against the direction of the vision, they are simply dead weight being dragged along without contributing significantly to the advancement of the organization to meet its objectives.

 
Leadership Hints:

• Are you a committed, enrolled or compliant leader?

• How does this affect your servant/leadership?

• As you look at the people you lead, what attitudes do you think each of them demonstrates?


Followership Hints: 
• Time for another attitude check! Review the seven attitudes and try to identify which best describes your attitude toward your present organization and your current job assignment within it.

• If you continue in this attitude, will you contribute to the successful accomplishment of your personal life goals and also help the organization to reach its objectives?


Note: In next week’s article I’ll talk more about leading people to the next levels of compliance, enrollment or commitment.

© Dr. Larry N. Gay, March 2010
http://mylead360.blogspot.com/  “Lessons in Leadership and Followership”

Organizational Change Stress Syndrome and "Future Shock"

 (First in a series on Aligning for Productivity)

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.

(Victor Frankl)

The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery.

(Harold Wilson)

Will all your worries add a single moment to your life?

(Jesus, Matthew 6:27)

Whenever any organization makes a major change, many of its workers will experience symptoms of what I call “Organizational Change Stress Syndrome” (OCSS).  Don’t bother looking it up in a Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV).[1]  The certainty of its existence, nonetheless, is supported by the evidence of increased stress in the lives of people within the organization, from top level management to part-time volunteers and everyone in between.  

Long after the changes are instituted, a number of people within the organization will still seem to be struggling with prevailing questions that are asked in a number of different ways.

                               

• How do we get more people on board with the needed changes?
• If this change was so great, then why are we still floundering in many areas?
• If we all really believe in the vision, why don’t we see significant increases in our effectiveness and productivity?
• Why does it take so long to complete the change?
• Why can’t we go back to the way things were?
• Why do some people have to leave the organization to follow their dreams or calling?
• What are we really here for anyway?
• What will it take to make the vision reality?

Alvin Toffler was the first to describe what he called “future shock” in the late 1960s and early 1970s. Too much change in too short a time produces a shock to the individual’s ability to absorb, assimilate and adapt. As the speed of change increases, individuals experience high levels of stress and the inability to adapt quickly enough. This results in reduced productivity and quality of work. Toffler observed that an extremely high degree of future shock can eventually lead to such symptoms as malicious compliance, overt blocking of the organization’s tasks, covet undermining of organizational leadership, or promotion of negativity among other workers. Toffler also coined the term “information overload,” [2] which can compound OCSS.

OCSS affects people at every level in the organization--even those who initiate the changes. Once the changes begin, there are always unforeseen adjustments that must be made. It can be like remodeling a house: once you start ripping out drywall, floors, and ceilings you never know what you may find underneath. And the cost is always more than you anticipated!

I started tracking the number of changes in personnel that were set in motion once when a mid-level manager was asked to fill a new position. That simple change in structure resulted in a total of at least fourteen individuals changing job assignments or having to move over the course of the next two years before the ripple effect finally subsided. And that’s not counting the number of people the manager moved or reassigned once he started his new position. Scores of people felt some direct effect from that simple change in personnel. Some of them had only been in their positions for as little as six weeks before being asked to make still another change in job assignment or location. When an administrative assistant asked me when all the changes would stop, I answered as honestly as I could, “Never. In fact, expect more changes to come even more rapidly in the future. So get ready.”

Change has both a domino and a ripple effect. A specific change might solve one problem, but then the solution often becomes the new problem, or reveals several new problems. The problem is not just the fact that the rate of change is gaining speed. The problem is in our attitude toward the changes we cannot control.

Your organization must learn to become resilient to change and adapt to its changing environment or it will be doomed to ineffectiveness, irrelevance and (ultimately) extinction. Just telling people to “buck up and get over it” is not enough. The most effective leaders are those who understand and use the principles of basic human patterns in response to change as they help the people they lead become more resilient and less resistant to change.[3]  Building resilience to change will decrease the effects of OCSS and increase the effectiveness and productivity of the entire organization.

The American Psychological Association suggests the following ways to help build resilience:

10 Ways to build resilience

Make connections. Good relationships with close family members, friends, or others are important. Accepting help and support from those who care about you and will listen to you strengthens resilience. Some people find that being active in civic groups, faith-based organizations, or other local groups provides social support and can help with reclaiming hope. Assisting others in their time of need also can benefit the helper.

Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems. You can't change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but you can change how you interpret and respond to these events. Try looking beyond the present to how future circumstances may be a little better. Note any subtle ways in which you might already feel somewhat better as you deal with difficult situations.

Accept that change is a part of living. Certain goals may no longer be attainable as a result of adverse situations. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances that you can alter.

Move toward your goals. Develop some realistic goals. Do something regularly -- even if it seems like a small accomplishment -- that enables you to move toward your goals. Instead of focusing on tasks that seem unachievable, ask yourself, "What's one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?"

Take decisive actions. Act on adverse situations as much as you can. Take decisive actions, rather than detaching completely from problems and stresses and wishing they would just go away.

Look for opportunities for self-discovery. People often learn something about themselves and may find that they have grown in some respect as a result of their struggle with loss. Many people who have experienced tragedies and hardship have reported better relationships, greater sense of strength even while feeling vulnerable, increased sense of self-worth, a more developed spirituality, and heightened appreciation for life.

Nurture a positive view of yourself. Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience.

Keep things in perspective. Even when facing very painful events, try to consider the stressful situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.

Maintain a hopeful outlook. An optimistic outlook enables you to expect that good things will happen in your life. Try visualizing what you want, rather than worrying about what you fear.

Take care of yourself. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Exercise regularly. Taking care of yourself helps to keep your mind and body primed to deal with situations that require resilience.

Additional ways of strengthening resilience may be helpful. For example, some people write about their deepest thoughts and feelings related to trauma or other stressful events in their life. Meditation and spiritual practices help some people build connections and restore hope.

The key is to identify ways that are likely to work well for you as part of your own personal strategy for fostering resilience. [4]

Leadership Hints:
            Gather resources you can share with the people you lead to help them build resilience to change (books, pamphlets, websites, or videos).[5]  Schedule times for discussion and dialogue to hear how people are feeling and processing change. Don’t fall into the trap of defending the change, just let people process it.

Followership Hints:

            One solitary life can make a difference.  

• Take an attitude check. Is your negative response to the change related to your self-confidence, self-esteem or self-concept?

• Decide to take a positive step toward being part of the solution and not part of the problem.

(Note: The next articles in this series will describe seven distinct attitudes toward the change and how individuals who demonstrate these attitudes contribute positively or negatively to the effectiveness or productivity of the organization.)

© Dr. Larry N. Gay, March 2010

http://mylead360.blogspot.com/

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[1]  Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition (DSM-IV) is a manual published by the American Psychiatric Association (APA) that includes all currently recognized mental health disorders.

[2] Alvin Toffler, Future Shock (Random House, 1970).

[3] Daryl R. Conner, Managing at the Speed of Change: How Resilient Managers Succeed and Prosper Where Others Fail (Villard Books, 1993).

[4] American Psychological Association,  http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx accessed March 17, 2010.

[5] Additional resources on building resilience:

http://www.resiliencycenter.com/  -  Several good resources at this site. Be sure to take Dr. Albert Siebert’s Resiliency Quiz.

            Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson (Putnam, 1998). This classic allegory reveals profound truths about how individuals and organizations deal with change and our search for “Cheese,” the things we want in life.

Our Iceberg Is Melting: Changing and Succeeding Under Any Conditions, by John P. Kotter, Holger Rathgeber, and Peter Mueller (St. Martin's Press, 2006). Another allegory, this fable describes how a colony of penguins faces a threat of survival, teaching business organizations how they can face similar dangers in an eight-step process of change.

Prepare More, Repair Less

In repentance and rest is your salvation,
     in quietness and trust is your strength,
     but you would have none of it.

(Isaiah 30:15)

 

Several years ago a TV commercial advertised the need for preventative car maintenance that included changing the oil and filters regularly. In view were all the worn parts that were being replaced on a vehicle whose owner had not done a good job of keeping the automobile well-maintained.  The mechanic simply said, "You can pay me now or pay me later," clearly communicating that paying later would involve repair bills that would be much higher than the cost of regular maintenance. 

 

PREPARE more, REPAIR less. The same lesson can be applied to interpersonal relationships. If you learn to PREPARE ahead so that your needs or expectations are met, then you will not have to spend nearly as much time and effort doing REPAIR work in your interpersonal relationships. The result will be fewer situations where you have to apologize for the negative behavior (stress) that results from unmet needs or expectations. If you’ve ever taken the Grip/Birkman Blueprint you have a great resource for helping you discover how to do this. Even if you have never done the Birkman Method, you can still get some good hints about how to prepare more and repair less by understanding your view of the world and what you expect from others (needs) and how you go about getting what you need or expect from them to help you be more effective in your own behavior.

 

For example: In my usual, effective style of behavior I am able to relate well to people, both one-on-one and in group settings. I can often read the climate of the group very quickly and I know that I am at my best when I am relating to people in an open, candid way. Many people would see me as an extrovert, which could characterize my usual, effective style of behavior.  I have learned, however, that for me to be in that usual, effective style of relating to people, I must have addressed at least two very significant needs. I know that I have a very high need for Esteem (the Birkman word for relating one-on-one) and a very low need for Acceptance (the Birkman word for relating in group). For me, that translates to a need for time to reflect—either alone, with just my wife, or just one close friend, or perhaps just us and one other couple. I do not necessarily need to spend great amounts of time in solitude or with such special friends, but I have a great need for that time on a regular basis.

 

If I do not prepare ahead of time by seeing that my need for solitude or selectively social relationships is met, then I know that I am likely to become reclusive, pessimistic, defensive, easily embarrassed or hurt.  All that sounds rather negative doesn’t it?  WELL, IT IS!  Stress behavior is negative and that is how others see it. I know that such negative behavior can cause damage to my interpersonal relationships that will cost me dearly to repair once I have reestablished the balance in my life and my need is being met. The way I can stay out of my negative stress behavior and avoid having to repair the damage to my interpersonal relationships is to make sure I have prepared ahead of time by getting regular doses of solitude and casual or intimate conversations with a few select people.

 

STORE vs. RESTORE

Another way to see the concept of meeting your needs or expectations is to STORE up ahead of time, minimizing the need to RESTORE later. By making sure the need is met, you can STORE up enough to have the necessary energy to remain in your effective, usual style of behavior.  If, however, there is nothing in the well to draw on, you will find yourself acting in your stress behaviors, depleting your emotional energy even more and searching for ways to RESTORE yourself to your usual, effective behavior.

 

Bill illustrated a great example of this. He talked about spending himself to exhaustion while on business trips so he could get home sooner and have more time with his family.  The only problem was, when he got home he was so depleted that it took a couple of days for him to recharge and feel like spending any time in significant interaction with his wife and kids. He had to retreat to his home office to restore his energy through computer games or catching up on office details before he felt ready to give them the time they needed. It looked to them like Bill had everything to give to the job and nothing left over to give to his family.

 

Bill’s usual Activity level was very high, but his need or expectations from others was considerably lower in this area. As a leader, he wanted to be very active on the job and give 110%, but he also had a strong need to spend more time in reflection and mental activity. He began working on a plan to try and meet more of his needs along the way by programming brief times for rest and reflection during his business trips so that when he got home, he would have energy to be actively engaged with his family in both quality and quantity of time. Instead of depleting all his energy on the trip, he actually managed to store up a little more along the way so he had enough for his family and to spare when he got home and did not have to spend so much time restoring his energy.

 

As you look at this week’s hints, remember that you are both a leader and a follower.

 

Hint to the Leader

·         Try to identify an area of need or unmet expectations that is causing your stress.

·         How can you prepare yourself and store up where you need it to avoid having to repair or restore?

·         Who do you need to help you meet this specific need?

·         How will you ask them to help?

 

Hint to the Follower

·         Consider if there have been any difficult relationships that grew out of your acting from your stress behavior. What need or expectation do you think was not being met that led to your feeling stressed? (Be careful not to try and blame someone else for what they did to cause your stress. Focus on your own unmet need or expectation.)

·         If you have taken the Birkman inventory, share your coaching page with your supervisor and talk about ways he or she can help you get your needs or expectations met so you can stay in your usual, most effective behavior.

 

 

© Dr. Larry Gay, March 2010

http://mylead360.blogspot.com

 

* For more information on the Grip/Birkman Blueprint or the Birkman Method® contact the author at MyLEAD360@gmail.com.       

 

 

 

 

Verbal X-Rays

"Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks."

(Luke 6:45)

Sally lashed out at a co-worker with some very hurtful words, then came back later to say, "I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. That's really not who I am."  

The truth is, Sally, yes that really is who you are. We might not always choose the best words to use at the appropriate time, but our words are like an X-Ray of our character. Our words reveal who we are, what we are thinking and how we feel. Especially when we are under stress, the words we use can reveal even tiny character flaws.  

Sally was right to apologize. But instead of trying to excuse her behavior, she simply should have recognized how her words hurt her co-worker and asked for forgiveness for having caused pain with her words.  

Speak the Truth in Love

             “Always tell the truth. That way you don’t have to remember what you said.”  (Mark Twain)

“I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality.” (Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.)

            People generally do not respond positively to negative words. They are much more likely to respond positively to positive words. The tricky part here is learning to speak the truth in such a way that the other person can still hear love in the words. Words spoken in anger reveal more about the speaker than they do about the receiver.  

Sticks and Stones

Did your mother or grandmother ever try to soothe your hurt feelings with the little verse: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me!"?   

As a child I tried to use this phrase like an incantation to counteract the hurtful words of my siblings, cousins or neighborhood kids whenever we got into shouting fights and name-calling. Sometimes I would cover my ears and chant loudly to cover up the insults as if I were putting a protective shield around me that would deflect their words and bounce them off into outer space.  

Well, I hate to dispute our grandmothers' wisdom, but I declare that statement to be false!  Words can hurt worse than sticks or stones. Long after the bruises and cuts of sticks and stones are healed and forgotten, the wounds of words can linger and fester. Once spoken, words can never be retrieved, edited or deleted and the damage can have long-lasting effects. As my wife says, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can bruise the soul.”  

            And then there is the problem of written words that never die, but circulate forever in cyberspace!  Have you ever forwarded an email only to discover later that it was a hoax?  I have seen the same email come back around as many as five years after it was revealed to be fraudulent!  Have you ever tried to recall a message that you accidently sent before you meant for it to go out? Words spoken or written in anger can keep coming back to haunt you forever! 

Special Hint on Email

            When writing messages with corrective actions or complaints up line, before hitting the send button, always ask an assistant or trusted coworker to give a second opinion on how the communication will be received. Some paragraphs might serve better if deleted. If time will allow, write a first draft then let it sit for several hours or (better yet) overnight. Reread it with fresh, calm eyes and edit before sending.  

Hint to the Leader

·         Remember, the higher you go in the company or organization, the more weight your words carry.

·         Be very sure of your motives, desires and aspirations because these will be evident in your words.

·         Ask yourself, “Do my words tend to inspire or inflame?”

·         Ask a trusted friend the same question above.

·         Watch for opportunities to say a good word to every person you lead.

·         If you must gripe, only gripe up, never gripe down.
“There's a chain of command. Gripes go up, not down, always up. You gripe to me, I gripe to my superior officer, so on, so on and so on. I don't gripe to you. I don't gripe in front of you.” (Captain Miller in Saving Private Ryan) 

Hint to the Follower

·         Don’t let the words of others contaminate you (gossip, gripes, grievances).

·         Consider what image your words may be presenting to others. How might you like to change that image?

·         When sharing your concerns with superiors, consider your motives first, then try to demonstrate how your request can improve quality or increase productivity to meet the objectives and goals of the organization or company.   

© Dr. Larry N. Gay

 March 2010

 http://mylead360.blogspot.com/ 

The Need for Margin in the Leader's Life-Avoiding Overload

The hurrier I go the behinder I get.

(the White Rabbit, in Alice And Wonderland)

Martha, Martha…you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.

(Jesus, in Luke 10:41-42)

The Problem with Progress

A few years ago I decided to move away from the cutting edge to what a friend described as the “trailing edge” of technology.  I was over-committed and felt over-communicated, especially by email (which is really “e-memo”).  That’s why I kept resisting the current “social nitwitting” of blogs and tweets and face-booking.  I was reminded of the old saying, “You can’t stop progress.” I don’t necessarily want to stop progress, but there are times when I would like things to slow down just a little!

A worldwide epidemic is growing exponentially across the globe and I’m not talking about a flu virus.  Richard A. Swenson, a medical doctor, named the epidemic “overload syndrome.”^[1] The growth of progress over the last century has brought many wonderful and helpful inventions into our lives while also causing a parallel increase in stress levels that can lead to psychological, physiological and behavioral disorders. One place this is evident is in the way people drive in traffic! Tail-gating, road rage, and wolf-packing at 20-30 miles above the posted speed limit are examples. 

Dr. Swenson identified the source of this stress as our living in an age that has lost control of progress and is now controlled by progress.  To maintain or regain a healthy balance in life, Swenson suggests we should not try to fight progress, but to regain control of it to make it work again for us.

I decided it would be healthier and wiser to enter the 21^st century of communication on my terms with what I hope is a balanced approach. So now I blog, fb and tweet (although I call it “twitting”). I guess I have become a fledgling social nitwit. J

Do You Suffer From Overload Syndrome?

Overload syndrome occurs “whenever the requirements upon us exceed that which we are able to bear,”^[2] breaking the proverbial camel’s back. Consider which of these describe your overload:

activity overload,

change overload,

choice overload,

commitment overload,

debt overload,

decision overload,

education overload,

expectation overload,

fatigue overload,

hurry overload,

information overload,

media overload,

communication overload,

news overload,

people overload,

possession overload,

technology overload,

traffic overload,

work overload,

service or ministry overload.

Overload and Margin

None of these is necessarily bad, taken alone or in moderation! But when it gets to the point that you do not have the power (time and energy) to deal with all that is being heaped on you, that becomes overload. Margin, the prescription for overload, is when your power is greater than your load.  Swenson puts this in the form of a simple mathematical equation: 

Power – Load = Margin. 

You always want the margin side to be in the positive and not in the negative. If your margin is in the negative, you are suffering from overload. Another way to look at would be:

Power > Load = Margin.  

Load > Power = Overload.

Relationships are Everything

Swenson points out that having margin is not a necessity for good leadership. But availability is. Effective leaders make themselves available for the needs of others. To be available, you must have margin. The most effective leaders are able to find and maintain margin in every area of life.

Time management is essential to building margin, but the management of time must be based on one’s priority relationships.  Giving appropriate time to priority relationships then becomes the key to finding margin.

On the surface, one might have thought Dr. Rolando Gutierrez was overloaded just by the many roles he filled—professor at the Politecnical Institute of Mexico, pastor of Horeb Baptist Church, president of the National Baptist Convention of Mexico, president of the Latin American Theological Fraternity, editor of a theological journal, author, husband, father, grandfather and more.  Even with all these roles and activities, however, Don Rolando always seemed to have time to visit and share one on one with people. Whenever he was in conversation with you, he seemed to give you all his attention, as if at that moment you were more important than anyone or anything else in the world. He never seemed overly hurried or rushed, and he was also always on time!

Don Rolando also knew he could not fill every request for his time. He often delegated a responsibility to a representative or allowed a member of his team to attend a function to which he had been invited.

Work Hard, Play Hard

The most effective leaders are able to find balance and margin in the areas of emotional energy, physical energy and time. They know the importance of taking vacations and disconnecting completely from work. They also know it is important to take regular time to exercise and recreate. Effective leaders play almost as hard as they work.

Hint to the Leader

·         To effectively serve your followers, you must build a degree of margin in your life that will allow time for teaching them to be less dependent on you as they mature to become leaders of still others.  As you serve your followers, this in turn will help you build a relationship of trust, credibility and mutual accountability. 

·         Leave the second in command in command sometime.

·         Take regular time off to relax, rejuvenate, recreate.

·         Make opportunities to do fun things with your team.

Hint to the Follower

·         There is more to life than work. Don’t spend so much time trying to get ahead that you leave behind the relationships that are most important to you.

·         Begin now establishing boundaries and maintaining priorities in your life. (More about this in next week’s article!)

© Dr. Larry N. Gay

 February 2010

 http://mylead360.blogspot.com/ 

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[1] Richard A. Swenson, Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives, (Colorado Springs: Navpress, 1992).

[2] Swenson, 74.